STRONGER PART 6 | Conclusion.

I came across a book early this year by Havilah Cunnington titled “Stronger than the Struggle”. I strongly recommend you read it. Much of what I am blogging here is from that book and what I did with a ladies group called Coffee Chats. If you find this useful, please feel free to use this material in a study group you might be leading. The blogs in this series are reflections and a summary of what I got from this fantastic book that I recommend you to buy. Click here for PART 5 of this Blog series. 

PART 6 – CONCLUSION

So we have seen how we need to identify the source of our battle i.e Internal, External or our belief system. We have looked at the weapons the enemy uses against us i.e theft, death, and destruction. These are his fingerprints. You know he is at work when you see any of these. We have looked at how we should respond, and the tools we have. Most battles are in our mind.

 We fight by taking every thought captive and replacing it with the truth. We fight with the word of God, opportunities of grace that God puts across our path, the rehma word. We also saw that it is important to trust, to yield to God. We need to replace fear with faith.

Remember the devil is the chief enemy of your soul and he wants to destroy it so that he can keep you from your God-given destiny.

Therefore in our daily lives how do we stay powerful? What am I responsible for?

1.     PARTNER WITH YOUR MIRACLE

I am responsible for my choices and what I believe in. I can partner with the Prince of peace or partner with the spirit of fear and anxiety. We all get anxious every now and then. Then there are some who live under a constant cloud of fear. This is a spirit that you need to send packing by declaring the truth of the Word of God over your life and situations.

Let’s look at the man beside the pool of Bethesda. He was sick for 38 years. Jesus asked him a strange question. Do you want to get well? What a strange question you might say? Jesus often asked this of people. He asked the blind man if he wanted to see. Sometimes we get comfortable with our problem that we actually empower it and give it permission to stay.

This man has two excuses – First is complained and said that he had no one to push hint into the pool. That is a victim mentality I.e. no one understands, I am all alone, my situation is unique. It’s an isolation that Satan puts you under. I have been there. Like in the story, I mentioned. Because I did not get the help I was looking for, I felt isolated and a victim. While I did not get the help, I could have moved on. I could have looked upward to the One who is greater. He is the one who gave me the dream in the first place. Would HE not have enabled me? And enable me he did. He guided me to tools I needed and then there was no stopping.

The second excuse was “Someone always beats me to it”. This is like saying, God, you have limited resources and it has run out on me! How ridiculous is that! Worse still is a comparison. We look at others people’s blessings and miracles and feel envious, jealous, we compare and get bitter and even get angry with God. Jesus full of grace asks the man t get up and walk. HE did not enable his victim mindset. Jesus gave him a chance to partner with his miracle. The man had a choice. Jesus asked him to get up. He gave him an opportunity to be powerful and do something. Blame leads us to get stuck in the mud.

On the other hand, we see the Centurion. For him, the Word was enough. Both men faced a problem. One felt powerless and the other did what he could.

Self-pity can make you feel powerless and get you so absorbed in the problem that you do not see the solution. You may even be right about the source of the problem but that will not get you unstuck. You have to partner with the miracle.

Remember comparison is the enemies’ way of telling you that there isn’t enough to go around and that God is holding out on you.

Excuses and blame don’t help change anything. We have to take responsibility for our selves. I learned this the hard way. It took me a few years to get out of that pity pit.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

Obey the Prince of Peace

Partner with the Holy Spirit

We can respond in faith or stay in unbelief

I can’t do everything but I can do something!

THE DUST OF DISTRACTION

 When you have a speck of dust on your lens it ruins all your pictures, doesn’t it? The dust of distraction can make us ineffective. This is one more tactic the Devil uses.

In those three vital years that Jesus ministered, he said some very important things and gave us very important advice.

Jesus gave us strategies of how to deal with different people. Some will accept you and some will reject you. He tells us to shake the dust off!!

Jesus knew that we would need a strategy to deal with offense. If we don’t know how to deal with this we will take this into every situation. It's not if offense comes, but when it comes.

Offense is a trigger and a trap. An offense can take you hostage. The pain, the anger can hold you hostage. IT will color the way you look at everything. It will prevent you from taking steps towards reconciliation or trying to resolve a conflict. Offense rides on the ugly back of pride. We have all been there. We have either taken offense or given it.

Now the word “take” offense implies we have a choice. I can choose not to take offense. IT is always a choice. I could either pick up the courage or seek clarification in a situation. I can choose to overlook the wrong done. I can choose to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. If I feel there could be a misunderstanding caused by my actions, I need to have the courage and ask what the matter is. The onus is then on that person to seek to keep the connection and respond or not.

I have had to do this when there was a rift in a friendship. I sought to reconnect to no avail. Finally, a letter helped me understand what the problem was. I could not do more than that. The Bible says as far as it depends on you live in peace. Make every effort to reconcile. A relationship might never come to restoration but sometimes that is for the best. Praise God I can say today that there is reconciliation in the friendship.

So whatever it, is we need to fight it. The Greek word “skandalon” is where we get the word scandalized. It is the stick in the trap that springs and closes the trap when the animal touches it.

This is one of the deadliest weapons Satan uses against us. I have written a blog on Offence where I go into more detail on this topic. Offence affects the core of our heart. It is like drinking poison or allowing cancer to grow inside of us. The Bible warns us not to allow bitterness to take root in our hearts. We also need to beware of judging people. When we are able to deal with offence in a godly way it brings glory to God.

What are the common offense s in our lives?

Apart from our soul, the other big enemy of Satan is the church. He will do everything to keep us divided. A united body is powerful. He seeks to bring misunderstandings and make them irreconcilable differences simply because often one person is too proud to admit their fault.

Jesus spoke of the spec in our neighbor's eye and the plank in our own. A plank is made up of tiny specs. Each offense that we accumulate will cause our vision to be impaired.

Satan loves to cause division and destroy friendships, intimacy, marriages. The closer the relationship, the greater the offense and great the hurt caused.

It takes one to forgive, but two to reconcile. God takes many and makes us ONE. Satan takes that one and tries to make many. We need to be very careful fo this. Do not allow it to build up.

“An offence is an event, being Offended is a state you are in” Havilah Cunnington. When you take offense and nurture it you become offended. So deal with this one swiftly.

CONCLUDING WORDS

Most days of our lives are lived out in the dailyness of mundane routine. Yet it is about discipline and staying the course. Then sometimes we hear how someone has had this amazing breakthrough in life. Someone gets this trip to an exotic place all paid for while you have been saving up for just a small holiday. We can get angry or feel cheated or we can celebrate God’s grace upon that person’s life.

If we cannot celebrate another person’s happiness, blessing or grace, we will never be able to step into our own. We will block our own blessing. This is another trap. The enemy prowls around like a roaring lion seeking to kill and devour. Lions hunt at night or early in the morning. Those are vulnerable, weak times. That is what the devil will do. He will seek you out when you are weak and vulnerable.

On a practical note, make sure that you are eating healthy, getting enough sleep and exercise. All these affect your emotional and mental balance as well. When you feel you do not have the strength to go on,  call back to mind Lam 3: 22-23: His mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

DON’T GO IT ALONE

In your battle, you need good friends to be with you. Find friends who will pour fuel on your dreams and not your fears. Some of us need a change in friend circle. Proverbs tells us that bad company corrupts good character. 

Ask yourself: are your friends helping you grow in the things of God?
Are they provoking you to live your dream and pursue your destiny whatever that might be?

Are they honest with you when you need some truth to be spoken to you?

Do they stand with you when you are in trouble or weak and vulnerable?

What counsel do they give you and where does it come from?

Miserable bitter people have a way of finding each other. So chose your friends wisely.

  We also need to be intentional about our relationships. Satan hates our friendships, marriages. Do not take these for granted. A lot of our struggles are in these very areas probably because we have taken things lightly and let things slide.

Be careful about being performance driven. Do the best you can. We need to be resilient and have endurance. 2Tim 4:7 says “I have fought the fight…” Phil 3:14 Paul says he will press on toward the goal. 2Cor 4:9

To conclude: the Holy Spirit will never run. Jesus calls us to come and drink from so that we may never thirst again. So do not have a scarcity mentality. You will always have what you need. God’s grace, provision of favor is unlimited. They will never run out. If you think it will, you will not be able to celebrate another peon’s success.

Fight the good fight of faith; Run you race, You have a destiny in God. What we focus most is what we reflect. What we think about the most will grow. We act from our thoughts and not independent of them.

Our struggle will not last forever. A time will come when all this wrap like an old blanket. The battle will end. Christ will return and he will have our rewards in his hand. One day we will be with him forever. This study inspired me to write a song of Hope called “ YOU ARE STRONGER”. You can listen to it by clicking here. Jesus is stronger than all the powers of darkness, the trails, schemes, lies the devil will throw at us.

I hope you enjoyed this series as much as I did share it with you. Drop me a line to let me know how it has benefited you.

I pray that whatever season you are in, you will learn to fight well and grow stronger and fo on to fulfill all your God-given dreams.

The Offense of taking Offense

Walking on eggshells, tip toeing around someone, wearing kid gloves and scared to say something that can be misunderstood, measuring each word before you speak and each action before you do. How many of us have been in such situations with different people?  

How many of us have been this person? I was recently reminded of this and then someone spoke about the very same thing. It’s the offence of taking offence. I don’t know about you, but I have been on both sides of the fence.

I have been reflecting this in my own life and my life experiences. Here are some thoughts and observations.

What is it that causes us to take offence? What should I do when offense is given? Why do I take offense?

At the risk of sounding over simplistic I’m going to say it – PRIDE

The bible reminds me often, not to think too highly of myself. ( Romans 12:3) I ought to on the contrary  have a sober judgment or assessment of who I am and what kind of person I am in relation with others. I need to be humble and not expect everyone to treat me like the “Queen of Sheeba”.

What should my view of other be? Well the Bible tells me in no uncertain terms to “think of others better than yourself” ( Phil2:3) I should give others the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to conclusions about their motives , thoughts and behavior. Love always hopes, always protects, and always trusts. ( 1Cor 13:7) This ought to be my posture with everyone.

One might argue that this could lead to false modesty. I don’t think the Bible is suggesting that in any way. I could be a better tennis player than my friend; however she could be good at something else so I can appreciate that in her.

What about this offense thing? It’s basically putting a very high standard and having a high expectation from everyone else’s behavior, speech. It’s expecting others to be perfect while letting yourself off the hook on the same issues.

The Bible talks about picking dust from one’s brother’s eye while we have a huge tree bark jutting out of our own. Another word for this is hypocrisy or a pharisaical spirit. When we behave like this we expect everyone to treat us with kid gloves.

What is the result of such behavior? Here are some of my observations :

• ·       Often these people are blind to their own faults while expecting everyone else to toe their line.
• ·       They are slow to forgive and harbor unforgiveness for a long time. They like licking wounds, imagined or real
• ·       They are not open to any feedback themselves , so when it  given offence is immediately taken at how one spoke, when one spoke, what tone of voice etc., etc. rather than the issue at hand.
• ·       They are fault finders with everyone.
• ·       When they take offence they often retreat or go cold on the friendship and are not interested in dialogue or reconciliation.
• ·       The end result is because of this negative behavior pattern, people begin to avoid them and they feel rejected
• ·       They are unable to discern who are their true friends, hence never form deep relationships because whenever there are true friendships there will be honest open talk which they cannot face.
• ·       They can be controlling people because they want things to always go their way and have everyone toe their line
• ·       Any criticism is taken as being against them personally and seeing as rejecting them personally
• ·       Often time expectations are not voiced but they expect you to know and read their minds and when you don’t, offence is taken.
• ·       In a church setting which is so much a part of my life I have seen this behavior pattern as very dangerous and detrimental to the unity and harmony in the church family. More so our prime enemy has a field day sowing thoughts of discord in our minds and before we know it we’ve got an issue with almost everyone or a lot of people and the poor souls are blissfully unaware of the offence they are supposed to have caused!! How silly is that?

What is the remedy?

• It is simple but not simplicistic. 
• It takes a battle of the mind not to fall into that terrible trap. 
• It takes courage to speak up and clear doubts. 
• It takes humility to hear what the other person has to say and receive it well. 
• It takes strength of character to have a sober judgment of oneself.
• It takes much grace and oodles of love and self sacrifice to appreciate others, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to let go petty issues. 
• It takes fortitude to forgive even when one has been offended.
•  It takes determination not to take offence even when it is given. WOW!!! How do I know this? Been there, done that.

But this looks like a list for a super heroes or something. Yes if tried in one’s own strength.

Thank God I don’t have to! The Bible tells me that Jesus was tempted in every way thereof is able to sympathize with my weakness.( Heb 4:5) When I am tempted to sin He does provide me with a way out- an escape route and will not allow me to be tempted more than I can handle.(1Cor 10:13)

I need to remind myself that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and that when I am feeling weak, His power is perfected in me and then I am strengthened.

I can win and lick this problem. I have a choice – to be offended or not. I also have a responsibility not to cause offense – that my speech is gentle and seasoned with salt, my behavior is loving and kind at all times and I will be quick to forgive and not harbor ill in my heart. My prayer is that I would be a channel of peace.

 Confession: I at times have not reacted in the best way when offended and have taken offense when there has been no need to. I too am learning not to react but initiate reconciliation and restoration and give the other party the benefit of the doubt. It’s not easy but when it’s done, it’s greatly rewarding. You win a friend back that you could have perhaps lost forever. Life is short. Let’s keep short accounts and be on the offensive about this offensive habit of taking offense!

Here is an old hymn I end my reflection with

Make me a channel of your peace.

Where there is hatred let me bring your love.

Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord

And where there's doubt, true faith in you.

Chorus:

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek

So much to be consoled as to console

To be understood as to understand

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace

Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope

Where there is darkness, only light

And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Make me a channel of your peace

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned

In giving to all men that we receive

And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

( Author: St Francis)

Navaz D Cruz

Sept 2013

A case to defend

Over  the past few weeks we at church have been looking at the whole area of relationships, conflict resolution, forgiveness etc in a series called Family Matters.

 I have been reflecting on various aspects of this especially in the realm of conflict resolution and forgiveness. 

What I have observed over time is that often conflicts that don’t get confronted stay unresolved and tend to harden into bitterness, resentment toward each other and cold wars. The irony is that neither party are clear on what went wrong not do they know what to do about it. Have you been there?

Conflicts stay unresolved when stuff gets swept under the carpet and over time everyone is scaling Mt Evert yet unwilling to face the mountain of unresolve looming large in the face! What is to be done?

There is also the view that one must not say anything in ones defense because God will vindicate you and Jesus’ silence before his accusers is the quoted example to follow.

I have thought about this and it raised a few questions in my mind. I believe a lot of conflict in relationships happen because of assumptions or misunderstandings and these can be sorted out if we do not take such a stand  in any and every situation.

Jesus as I see Him in the Bible was outspoken when he needed to be, and explained himself to the disciples who were lacking in understanding at that time.

What does Jesus say about Conflict? We have two classic passages of scripture quoting our Lord himself.

Matt5: 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court.

Matt 18:15 “If your brother or sister[b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Nowhere in these two passages do I see room for being silent as the answer to resolving conflict. In fact, I see the very opposite. Jesus encourages us to go and have a chat and sort it out whether you are the perpetrator or the victim. The rule of thumb seems to be that when in doubt, speak up and not shut up.

I think if we practice this, it will end so many misunderstandings and cold war between friends and families. I have seen this in my own life. A friend who heard only a part of a conversation I had had with a common friend drew certain conclusions that resulted in a standoff in our friendship and sadly for many years. This disturbed me greatly but I did not know what the matter was, till I applied Matt5. However, when I learned the reason for the standoff I choose not to say anything in my defense and applied the “silent as a lamb” principle here. The result was the situation never changed which only added to my sorrow. Finally I decided that I needed to speak up and bring clarity to the situation. We visited these friends of many years and spoke face to face, heart to heart. The light came on! The assumptions crumbled in the face of clarity and truth and there was reconciliation in the relationship. What would have happened if I had continued to stay silent?

When then do we stay silent as a lamb? Look at the context in which Jesus was silent. It was in the presence of his enemies that were falsely accusing him with malicious lies wanting to crucify him. It was not a case of misunderstanding between friends. This was an evil plot to kill the King of Kings. I believe that when we are falsely accused like this we need to commit ourselves to our Father in heaven who will vindicate us.  We have experienced this time and time again. When vicious tongues wag and aim to slander us, our character and reputation with no intent of finding out the truth or seek clarification, we need to keep silent and let the Righteous Judge take over.  And we have seen God come through for us. If opportunity presents itself to explain ones actions one must do so in all humility, grace and wisdom.

But in most cases I suspect it is a case of applying Matt 5 or Matt 18. So let’s go sort out those misunderstandings. Sometimes the other party does not have the moral courage or the fortitude to face the situation. In those cases we are called to forgive unilaterally and let by gone s be by gone s and continue to express love to that person as Jesus would have us do. We are to trust God to grant us grace for such a situation.

I have realized that life is not made up of nice neat boxes all well stacked and labeled. We cannot dot every “I” and cross every “t”. We have to move on throwing aside everything that hinders and run the beautiful race in life that Jesus has marked out for us.

I end my reflections and rest my case knowing I rest in the shadow of the Almighty, my ultimate defense and deliverer.

Navaz D Cruz

August 2013